Self Tan Science: The How-To and Review!

Calling all HappyBeautyPals! How do you self-tan? 

After many years of trying foundations on to find that it was too orange, too pink, too dark - even if it was the lightest in the shade range - I have found a cure. A little bit of Self-Tan did everything from make me look radiant to allowing me to wear darker shades of lipstick and pull it off. 

I have a vampy, plum red liquid lip called Velvet Slipper from Sleek, and although it looks nice when I am pale, I have to take it easy on everything else. Keep an eye look simple, brows framed,  and a bit of bronzer. Otherwise it makes me look overdone. Cheap. Lots of work. 

I remember discovering Garnier's Summer Body Self tanner earlier last year (late to the party at 23) and wearing a black dress - I did not look gothic. I looked hollywood. I used a slick of Velvet slipper and wore it easy. Suited my even, warmed, tanner tones. 

I am haunted by strange memories growing up of the sight of unevenly applied tan; streaks down the back of peoples legs, complaints of 'stinking' of fake tan, or of course, the early 2000's where there was an influx of Umpa-Lumpas from Willy Wonka's factory. Orange faces. Everywhere. 

But tans have been done by A-listers that look beautiful. The trick it to look natural and to not overdo it. Gal Pals (and Boi Pals), let me share with you what I have learned. 

THE PRODUCTS (and how they work)

All 'tanning' products draw you into this 'natural' keyword all the time. The science behind all tanning products is essentially, it's not a tan. Or a 'tan' as you know it. No chemical you will apply to your skin will help you 'produce melanin' or 'stimulate a tan' - only the good ol' sun will do this, or perhaps some medication, in which case your sudden tan will be the least of your worries. The word 'TAN' is simply the look of a colour on someone's skin, which could be anything - don't let the market fool you.

Tanning Mouse, oil, lotion, mist, or self tanner will all do the same thing - they act like a paint. The chemical will bind to the outermost layer of your skin and oxygenate, causing a 'second skin' or oxygen fused colour. If you use a mouse, such as St Tropez/ St Moritz, they may also have something called a 'guide tan' in the product - essentially a foundation for your body, so see if you've missed any spots. The guide tan will come off in the first shower you take. The chemical that binds to your skin doesn't immediately come off without chemical interaction - you shed it off as you shed the outer layers of skin, quickened by the likes of exfoliation (scrubs, shower puffs, exfoliating gloves). 

New products such as St Moriz Self Tan Eraser, from Superdrug, will chemically loosen the colour from your skin. It will work even better if you exfoliate it off. 

A Tanning Mouse and Mist acts like a paint - a a Lotion with 'a hint of self tanner' is a moisturiser with a bit of paint in it. But don't let my blunt words but you off - in a way, isn't everything we use essentially a paint? Lipstick, eyeshadow, foundation, hair dye. 

SO far I have tried Two Self tanners - Garnier's Summer Body Lotion (With a hint of tanner!) and Palmer's Cocoa Butter Natural Bronze Tan Lotion (a hint of gradual tanner!) . These are drugstore products, no more than Ten Pounds when I bought them, if that. 

How to apply Fake Tan (tips)

So applying whatever product you use (lotion, oil, mouse) is the same thing; purchase a tanning mitt, and apply to your body. Preferably after you've been in the shower/bath, and if you would like to shave, shave before.

But what I would suggest, is squeeze a glob about the size of a strawberry onto your mitt. Apply to your forearm, making sure you have an even application. Then do the same to your upper arm, other arm, lower leg, upper leg, and each butt cheek as you go! Then of course your back, tummy, chest - in whatever order. 

Top tip: Do not apply the glob to your crevices, like wrists, elbows, back of knees or underarms - those are the places that get sweaty and it rubs off . You want a gradient, a lighter application there. Squeeze your mitt by making a fist, and with any product that comes out when you squeeze, apply there. 

Mix your normal daily moisturiser with a small amount of the lotion and apply to face. (That's what I do.) 

Now, let me tell you my story. 

Garnier Summer Body Moisturising Lotion 

I love this stuff. It gives you a hint of colour. Don't use it sparingly - use a lot and make sure your skin is covered and moisturised. I made the mistake of using it sparingly and honestly I didn't really tan. 

A couple of goes later and I mastered it - it gave me a nice, natural glow. Enough to make me suit a black dress, to wear velvet slipper - but Pals, one huge problem.

I absolutely, undeniably, actually STUNK of apricot . 

It was as if I had found out my great great grandmother was an apricot and I had fruit in my veins. 

The God of Apricots visited me at night in my bed and wrapped himself around my lungs. I could not sleep. 

My fruity scent over-powered my food. My perfume disappeared into the swirling vortex of the sickly apricot. The Apricot followed me into rooms, honking into the corners.

I showered the next morning and the scent was still a little bit there. I was relieved to start my life afresh , a new, apricot free gal. 

Maybe I'm exaggerating, it wasn't that bad. But it was enough to make me not use it again - I wanted the colour, but could not enter into a 24 hour contract with the God of Apricots again. 

On a recommendation from a very beautiful friend of mine, I picked up a new bottle of Palmer's Cocoa Butter Natural Bronze Tan Lotion - and laughed as I read about how it smelt of chocolate. 

Over the next week, my Garnier tan disappeared. I missed the colour - I looked pasty and sad. It was my skin but better. Poor pasty white Em. :( 

Palmer's Cocoa Butter Natural Bronze Tan Lotion

I tried this over the course of yesterday and today. I have found my favourate. 

I applied this carefully, learning from my past mistakes. It dried quicker than the Garnier one. No sitting on my bed like an awkward sack of potatoes worrying if I am going to stain anything. 

Within an hour or two, my parents openly noticed and said I looked brown. 

I began to worry. Would my foundation match? Luckily, the day before I had invested in an old drugstore favourite foundation, Bourjois Paris' Healthy Mix Foundation ( When will I stop calling it BONJOUR PARIS by mistake??), a shade darker than usual with the intention of mixing with my current one; but now, as a bronzed woman, I just had to use the darker shade of foundation - and even that was slightly lighter.
I wouldn't suggest going two shades up in your foundation, because your tan will wear. Just go one shade up and use bronzer if you need to. The next time you shower, the one up foundation will match perfectly. 

Overnight it darkened, a more neutral toned, 'golden brown' colour than the Garnier, which in comparison was lighter and more warm golden. 

It looked good, I'll admit. It was lighter in the sun, but at law school, I noticed steady looks. It was a noticeable difference. My friend said it looked very lovely - I had not been tangoed at all! 

I've since showered and used soap and exfoliating gloves and I have been left with a lovely, even touch of golden colour. There are some patches that I have missed - but that was down to my application. 

There is one dry spot on my arm that hasn't took - gosh darn my dry skin, it's a battle - but wow, it did very well. 

The chocolate scent was noticeable. My parents said I smelt like spicy vanilla, I mean it's not the worst right?. When I told them it was chocolate they agreed, but it's not as pungent as that apricot. One shower later and I can only smell the slightest hint. 

The Goddess of chocolate refused to bless my nose, it seems.

I have a Tanning Mouse to try by St Moriz, the budget sister to St Tropez. But for now, I love the way Palmer's is making me feel and look! 

I will publish a review on it the next I am on a night out and let you know how I got on with a full blown tanning mouse! Apparently this one smells like biscuits.

Garnier: 6/10.

Long lasting: 6/10 (lasts about 4 days)

Colour: 8/10 (just a nice little hint)

Lotion: 5/10 (felt sticky for a while but skin was moisturised)

Smell: 4/10 (Death by Apricot)

Palmers: 8/10 (Current favourite)

Long Lasting: 9/10 (Certain this will last about the same, maybe a week)

Colour: 9/10 (Obvious difference, maybe no need for St Moritz?)

Lotion: 8/10 (Dried quick, skin nice and moisturised, no wet feeling) 

Smell: 7/10 (Still too chocolatey for me, but not bad)

Take Care of Yourselves, 

A bronzed Em.